Nurse Uzumaki
by MaxFair
Summary: Naruto works as a nurse, and the new doctor just happens to be Dr. Uchiha, the man who makes sexual frustrations. Naruto has trouble with sexual frustrations, stalkers, and the weird patients that come out when he's on night shift. SasuNaru NejiNaru OtherNaru's beware of weird situations including night shifts. Humor, Romance, Horror, Angst Hurt/comfort
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

**CHAPTER ONE **  
(intro chapter)

My name is Uzumaki Naruto, and I am a male nurse. Yeah, I know, it's girly and all. But I like helping people and having this job, and the hospital I'm working at is amazing. Full of nice staff and it's easy to get around. We have our weird patient moments, though.

I looked lazily to the white doors when I heard a male voice. Hopefully he's not coming out and I'll be left alone to write some damn woman's prescription. I really didn't want to be bothered right now! God, Its Neji. God damnit he's coming over.

"Naruto," Neji walked out of the doctor's lounge and smiled at me "How are you?"

I groaned and replied a tiny weak "Fine." He always bothered me when I thought I was safe.

He smiled even more and strode towards me "You know when your break is here we can go get some coffee." I went to interrupt and he quickly said "I know you like Mock's."

Oh great, he was stalking me there, too. I wasn't allowed at Walkmart or Timmies because the employees said the man watching me so intensely was 'upsetting the customers'.

"I'm working."

"Fine," He said, rejected (I loved it) "Maybe when you're off work…?"

I didn't bother telling him about my night shift I had tonight. The night shifts were the hardest on days, but I needed extra money so I took all the work I could get. I never had plans, anyways, with all the people who wanted to party all night. I wasn't into the 'get high, drunk, and fuck strangers' when I had bills to pay.

"Bye, Neji." I waved to him and returned writing the pills she needed. Her name was Karen and she had come here before. I remember her being creepy, talking about a doctor who banned her at the hospital at the city over. She drugged his tea and tried to have sex with him so she could 'bear his children'. I was used to the mentally handicaps like her though, but she seriously needed to get checked for mental disorders.

After I was done with writing prescriptions and scheduling appointments, I was bored. It was a Wednesday, which was a slow for us. Full of writing and sending, and people who wanted to see if the weird growth on their back was slowly killing them, and I would say "No, that's a mole," and go on with my day.

Weird things happened at night. I didn't like taking the shifts, but I put up with it, being cautious about whatever and whoever came through the doors. There were many stories. Stories that would make you cringe and say 'not true', but they are. I witnessed one once, and it was disturbing…. Usually the people who came through had minor things, like a woman who 'sat' on her vibrating cell phone.

"Still working?"

I looked to see Hinata, another nurse, walking towards me with blankets in her hands. She usually took the laundry room downstairs, and was damn good at making fluffy sheets.

"Night shift."

"Really? … Good luck." She scurried off to the elevator, giving me a small wave. Who had the time?

I nodded towards Hinata and sprawled on my chair, glancing at the door. It was 6:00PM and I was to leave at 2:00AM, leaving me vulnerable to the horrors that are patients. Sakura, a nurse, told me that the first night she stayed here, someone came in with a tree in their lungs. I didn't like believing these stories, but Ino, an awesome story teller, told me her stories.

Ino stayed here when the sun was down, and left in the middle of the day. She didn't know how she stood up with the weird things that happened in here, but she always had a hell of a story when she told us events-

"Mr. Uchiha, this is the lobby. This is… Nurse Uzumaki." I heard Ralph scoff at me and I chuckled. He was the supervisor and kept a watchful eye on us; acting like his job was the most important. We always left snakes in the sheets of his, if you get what I mean.

"Hn." A black haired man stood around, scanning the area at incredible speed. After five seconds he looked like he knew the place. He was very attractive, too!

I felt my cheeks flush a bit and I said "Hi, I'm Naruto."

Mr. Uchiha scoffed, not looking in my direction and looked at the doors. I saw an eyebrow rise at the pancake that stuck at the ceiling, a foot away from the door; now, that was a story for a different time. But right now I had to find out who he was.

"I-I'm Naruto Uzumaki," I repeated "Who are you? If you mind me asking..."

Coughing, I narrowed my eyes at the rude man. Mr. Uchiha stared at me, his gaze locking in all my features. For a split second I thought I saw his eyes dilate slightly, showing either an attraction of disgust(*). Right now I didn't need another man chasing me down like a hunting dog *cough* Neji *cough*.

"Sasuke Uchiha." He scanned my face once more "New doctor."

I laughed and smiled brightly "Awesome. We need more normal doctors."

He raised his eyebrows at this and I didn't bother telling him that we had crazy, racist, sexual, and other weird people who worked here. We used to store them in the laundry room but then they just HAD to have PhD's. Damn doctors crawling from the basement.

"We don't really have time for _twats_ like Naruto Uzumaki, _Uchiha-san_." Ralph scoffed once more.

And they left. Well, I think they left, because a little bit of Ralph stayed behind when I sucker punched him.

xXxXxXxXx

_A/N: _

_Any questions? No? Good, because you can wait for them to be answered. Most people ask pretty ridiculous questions on here. Naruto is a prankster in the hospital, and Sasuke's the new doctor. I'm making a separate story where Naruto is a nurse, and Gaara is a patient. God, I love GaaNaru! 3_

_But if you really want a question answered, read ahead a bit then review! Some people just skip around, but it really boosts the author and urges to make them write better, longer, and more stories. _


	2. Chapter 2: What was up there!

"Quiet!" I hushed, shh-ing angrily at the brunette beside me while giving him a slight punch in his leg "We don't want to blow our cover!"

Kiba growled and put the object that fell onto the floor on a random shelf. I glanced at the label and number. They wouldn't care if someone got pneumonia, would they? Ignoring the tube that scared us, I went on with my work "You're the loud one, Naruto."

I didn't have time to pay attention so I went back to what I was doing, putting the pieces of my plan on top of a door. The nameplate said 'Dr. Sasuke Uchiha.'

"It'll work." I whispered enchanted at how smoothly this was going. Normally things went a little bit wrong. Just minor things go wrong, like some paint on my hands or a piranha.

I was a pureblood trickster, and had been since I was a young evil demon boy in kindergarden. Things like throwing frogs in people's hair and planting rattlesnakes were some of my early work, but when I got into high school, things were more hilarious and cunning. I always upgraded after a while.

In the morning, the sexy doctor was going to get a surprise. And yes, I did say sexy, because that man was hard eye candy, not the gummy candy like me. I was a sexy beast if I said so myself! Anyways, Kiba was already going out, so I might as well leave, also.

"I can have a ride home, right?"

Kiba sighed once more before making his way to his car, me trailing a short distance behind.

**xXxXChapter TwoXxXx**

"So, Dr. Uchiha," I moved into his office smoothly "How was your morning?"

"It was fine, Naruto." He ruffled through some papers, typing something up. If he came here in the morning, he _had _to set off my trap! There was almost no way to avoid it when he came here in the morning. Maybe he was a ninja, like my accusations. No one can go around so silently!

"Uhm… No mishaps?" He raised his eyebrows at my question, staring right into my soul, unmoving.

I felt a bit awkward at his staring and I knew by then I had gave myself away.. He nodded and said "One of my patients came into my office. Actually, someone who had an allergy to paint,"

I gulped and I felt myself start to panic. God, my prank went haywire! I should have stayed to make sure he walked in first! And maybe brought a camra… that would be some funny shit on youtube.

He grunted "She was safe, anyways," good; she was safe. Not that I really cared "Granted that she was in the hospital with a doctor who hated her."

"Hated?" I asked.

"I have… fan girls." He said slowly, dread going over his beautiful, so beautiful features. No surprise that he had fan girls; he looked like he was a model in a highly rated magazine. I wonder if his job before this was a model… a back of job with lots of money.

It was sort of weird for him to tell me some unnecessary information, but I knew that what people said about me was true- I had a lovely personality and a knack for making friends.

My stay was feeling a bit uncomfortable when he started ignoring that I was there, going through his supplies before signing documents. He was going to notice sooner or later that I was imagining him nake in my bedroom, sweating and- "Hn."

"What?"

"Nurse Uzumaki," He coughed into his hand "I think you should get back to your job, seeing as there are people in this hospital who need medical attention."

"O-oh yeah."

People were sitting in Sasuke's waiting room, looking at me while I nervously walked out.

Might as well see what Hinata and the others were doing on their lunch break, seeing as I was getting weird looks. Not that I cared that much about what people thought of me, being a weird kid with whiskers on my face growing up.

Closing the door, I headed straight to the cafeteria; only thing being on my mind was a cup of ramen and a bottle of pepsi.

**xXxXxXxXx**

"So, how was your day, Ma'am?" After the meeting with NO FRIENDS in the lunch room, I ate sadly alone, crying into my ramen, screaming about how my sex life with never exist because I was stuck watching sexy men while being alone. Well, before I was escorted out because I was disturbing the dying old people.

"Very fine, thanks…" She chuckled nervously.

Night shifts, oh, how I love them. There are the basics of knowing why people are in the emergency room, or just coming in for a 'checkup'. If it's a woman, and she's nervous, she got something stuck up somewhere. If it's a man being nervous, it means something happened and at first he thought he could handle it, but then it was 'feeling weird' and they passed out a few times.

"Can I have your information, please?"

I was used to the buttons on the keyboard, being a kickass nurse _and_ secretary. Too bad I wasn't as kickass to score a boyfriend or girlfriend, and having sexual frustrations and people walking around sucking face and fucking in public-

"A-are you alright?"

I calmed down, looking at her. Oh, I was smashing the keyboard "I'm fine, just frustrations in personal life," I chuckled nervously.

"Oh… Well, I'm having a problem in my personal life. You know," She looked down and chuckled "No denying it now!"

I laughed a bit before calling Ino around "Yeah, this woman-""I'll take care of it," she groaned at my laziness before guiding the woman to the empty room "this way."

And here I was again, stuck in a seat looking up _Sasuke Uchiha_ on my free time. I had it in a tab, thank god, because I'm sure Hinata doesn't want to see me watching porn again. Stupid me, being curious about things.

Sure I should be doing these things at home, but I only had one laptop and a high power bill. The landlord was an idiot who took as much money as he could- an hour on my computer would cost me seven bucks at least.

"_Youngest son of the Uchiha family," _I skimmed a few words and moved on to the family members _"Fugaku Uchiha, Mikoto Uchiha, Itachi Uchiha, Madara Uchiha-"_

Moving on to a blog I found, I skimmed Alison's page. Frankly I don't know why I read the name, I just memorized it for new information.

"_Uchiha Co. is the leading company that handles the manufacturing, shipping, and buildings of medical supplies, appliances, hospitals, and pharmacies. You'd think they would care much about the public but they act like assholes every chance they get._

_Even in public you can __**see**__ their ego escaping into the air- how the hell can people say they are 'hot, nice, gentlemen' when they have no clue what their favourite color is? Oh wait, you can find the many different colors in many different magazines. Idiots." _

Sasuke didn't seem that bad, even though he had moments.

"Naruto-" Ralph coughed behind me, scaring my soul out of me "You can search blogs by 'googling' later, people are in need of medical attention. Attention that hospitals give!" He gestured all around the _empty_ room before making his way over the desk.

"No one's here."

"Because you're not working!" He growled, planting his pudgy hand on the pale blue surface of the main desk with a serious look on his face. That bitch was PMSing all the time, I'm sure.

"I'm not PMSing!" He screeched, throwing himself away from the desk "All the calories I take make me cranky! I'm getting a diet pepsi." He growled, stomping off.

I had a real problem with 'word vomit'. I couldn't hold my mouth flaps and would always say something incredibly stupid, making other people confused or ticked off. Mostly Ralph. Poor man couldn't escape my grasp of pranks.

Sasuke would be hearing a lot of comments of 'you're hot' or 'sexy beast in my shirt' while working here, like I did whenever a hot doctor strolled by. Not many hot doctors here.

I leaned back in my chair, kicking my feet up, losing interest in the blog. I'll keep it in my memory reminder for tomorrow, even though the chick sounded bitchy.

Right when I was feeling bored, Ino walked out of the room with the brunet woman, a permanent disgusted look on her face "Don't get anything else stuck!" She said with a small chuckle, despite the woman's horror.

"Name me a song."

"Save it," Ino sighed, raking her fingers through her blond ponytail "I don't have the patience right now."

"But you have the patients." I laughed slightly at my crappy joke "But seriously, what's up."

"That woman had a lot of strange things up there." Ugh, didn't need to know that. Probably some small things "too many for a normal woman to hold, Naruto."

She flattened out the wrinkles out of her shirt before turning away from me and sitting in one of the waiting chairs. She's not really an active one after a weird patient, as would you if you had to pull various items out of someone's private places.

"Naruto, tell me why I have this job."

"…. 'Cause you're a nurse?" She got up from her chair, looking at me strangely. I was a weird one, she would say, handing me a cookie, but I was her grandson… wait, that was grandma, not Ino.

"Hmn. That I am."

I sat there in silence before I hear creaking of wheels coming from the room. It reminded me of my old Hamster, Chimmy. He was a clumsy hamster, always getting into mischief. He was like me and that's why I got him. Well, he was more like a ferocious dog trying to bite my face off. But getting off the subject, now; I don't want painful memories show up on what happened that dreadful night….

BITCHESLIKEPENGUINSBITCHESLI KEPENGUINSBITCHESLIKEPENGUIN SBITCHESLIKEME.

_So, I had to rush the end of the chapter. _

_So, for all you guys who don't notice some non-existent notes, here is something I'm going to start putting. OBSERBVATIONS. These are kinda spoilers? It's just things I want you guys to know:_

_Naruto is Bisexual, although he is leaning on the male side, and doesn't know that much about sex. _

_Ralph is just a man who loves his job, and has a nervous tick for eating. _

_Sasuke is getting close to Naruto quite fast._

_Kiba has an excellent friendship with Naruto, and is his best friend. _

_Who is Chimmy? WHAT HAPPENED ON THAT NIGHT?!_

_**ALSO: Ralph isn't homophobic xD I don't see how someone can get that out of one chapter with him doing almost nothing. Oh, and I'm sorry I cannot update as fast and neat as I can, seeing that I lose interest quite quickly and it only spikes up after a while. **_

_**THANKS FOR REVIEWING/READING **_


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